I shall never truly be gone unless none here are loyal to me

Ah...Harry Potter! I remember eagerly awating your last book. I remember crying before when Dumbledore died. I remember reading the books over and over again till lines got rooted deep inside my memories. But how can I let you go!

Just finished the complete set again. It really is a pain, when you've got loads of free time, and all Harry Potter books staring innocently in their pdf forms. You have to give in. That, is a full day wasted spent. I've got another brilliant book, "Love in the Time of Cholera" lined up, but when you're reading Harry Potter, you are reading Harry Potter.

Right now, am reading the last book again, having completed five of them in the last 12 hours. One third complete, two thirds left. Harry is about to break into the ministry and steal the Slytherin Locket(Oh the bliss when I talk about it). And I have to give my eyes a little rest. My parents think I am studying. Part of it is true actually, I was studying, before I started reading it once again. And after it is done, I shall get back to studying.

Just hope my parents never read my blog. And there is a thin chance they will. No one really does read it, isn't it? Do you?

Harry Potter, I shall return. In a minute

Philadelphia

> This post is in no way meant to be discriminatory
>I respect the thoughts and preferences of every soul alive.

It is hard to find good movies being aired on TV, though I really enjoyed watching Philadelphia (which is something, since the last good movie I saw on TV was Big Fish, and that was a full year ago). All those witty repartee, those inconsolate jokes about sexuality, the more sensitive moments(for instance the one where Tom Hanks is overwhelmed by the Opera), those really were something. That being said, I really can never think of understanding the gay philosophy. Ever.

It beats me how one can choose not to be with a woman! I can make my peace with the fact that someone may like both men and women, or women liking women, (that actually is for some lady to talk about), but not liking women at all? How can you not be inundated by the soft subtle touch, the rousing scent(seriously what is that? Is it the hair?), the round eyes, the voice......oh I can go on. I know it is not a conscious choice, and had it been one, there wouldn't have been any gays around (the level of discrimination they face, it would be really hard to try and not conceal it.). But how can one not pursue those qualities a woman possesses? These small things make up for the sexual attractiveness. How many of these does a man have? None. We have dirty hair, which given a choice we wouldn't wash for weeks, worst table manners, and "the emotional range of a teaspoon". Face it, we are just dirty ragheads who would have fought and fought had their been no girl in school. The presence of a girl puts us up for best behaviour. You don't go off mouthing abuses in front of a girl, do you? These are simple rules of courting, which I don't think anyone ever taught us. They were inherent, bred just as the manners towards the elders.

And it is not only me. A few months back, I started attending video lectures on the "Introduction to Psychology" course that was being taught in Yale by Professor Paul Bloom( wait, lemme check if I got the name right........yup, that is him). In his lecture on Sex, he said: "Exclusive Homosexuality is an evolutionary mystery. The puzzle is not why some men like men, that is not the puzzle. The puzzle is why there are some men who don't like women." Even other primates may engage in homosexual activities, but preferential sex is what surprises me.

All that being said, I do understand that these are my personal opinions, and it is just one small string of thought in an assorted bowl of multitudes. And how much the homosexuals have to suffer just because of prejudices against them, often leading to seclusion and fear of the society.

I agree to disagree with anyone who has a different view. Aumann may go play with himself.

A different perspective: Gay @ IITB: Out and About

Post Publishing Edit: A good friend of mine just told me that though he still has trouble accepting, but after watching the movie, he isn't 'homo-phobic' any more. Then he asked if I have watched it too. (HEARTBREAK) No one reads my blog!

Wunderbar!

Before you read on,


1) This was one of the best chats I have enjoyed till date!


2) Keeping my vow of no names, I have renamed the person X.


3) But lets see if anyone can figure out who this person is!(apart from the one concerned of course)




me
howdie!

June 19 X
awesome !­ ­
u @ iit?­ ­

June 19 me
nope
rite now at home

June 19 X
oh­ ­

June 19 me
and blissful
so,

June 19 X
do you realize i'm jealous­ ­
:P­ ­

June 19 me
whats up?
jealous of the bliss?
dont be

June 19 X
trynna read atlas shrugged ;D­ ­

June 19 X
well, happy bliss-bath
catch you later, yeah!!­ ­

June 19 me
yeah well
okay
good night

June 19 X
i mean, you went offline ... how can u still be replying ... zombieeeeeee!­ ­
:P­ ­

June 19 me
oye

June 19 me
u were the one who went offline
i sent u about 10 pings


June 19 X
YOU DIDNT!
bad connection , huh­ ­

June 19 me
maybe. it doesnt show in my msg box
sob sob
damn!
so still in iit?

June 19 X
yes :-/­ ­

June 19 me
noice
watching movies i guess

June 19 X
but it's awesome mausam today .. so not so
:D­ ­

June 19 X
not really­ ­
i think atlas shrugged is a book, whatsay? :P­ ­

June 19 me
oh yes. atlas shrugged.
forgot. u know, short term memory loss
who are u again?:P

June 19 X
oh, marilyn monroe, ever heard? :P­ ­

June 19 me
oh yes yes!!! the skirt girl?

i think i might know where kennedy is

June 19 X
lol ... fwd fwd in time .. i still hate that bastard :P­ ­

June 19 me
really? did u kill him:


June 19 X
did i?­ ­

June 19 X
did i tell you, i have short term memory loss, too
who am i again? :P­ ­

June 19 me
did u?
wait. thats my line!!

June 19 X
how dare you remember?
you said you had memory loss, you liar ! ­ ­

June 19 me
i said short term
we are treading into past right now
(and i have marker to write on my body too>:P

June 19 X
lol­ ­
so, i stole your line alright, just don't sue me, ni to i'll join the anshan league B-)­ ­

June 19 me
(anshan with only pizza allowed)?

June 19 X
awww... that's unfair !!
how'd you know ... now, tell me, pizza a day wouldn't dilute the impact, right?­ ­

June 19 me
nope. it would keep u concentrated:P

June 19 X
but you wouldn't sue me, you promised .. check that left arm of yours ...oh .. can't read ur own handwriting, need help?­ ­

June 19 me
nah... i got a stencil:P
okay now tell me one thing?
read the godfather?

June 19 X
na :-/­ ­
you did?­ ­

June 19 me
*REALLY*????!!!
*REALLY????!!!*

June 19 X
don't now embarrass me ­ ­
i know­ ­
:(­ ­
i mean, make me feel embarrassed :P­ ­

June 19 me
u do like strategic killing of people, right?

June 19 X
but how'd you know ..!!!!
you're not from ISI, are you? :P­ ­

June 19 me
nope mafia
before u do anything else, read the godfather!!!
(it might bring my mafia in good light)

June 19 X
sure ! send me a copy, mr. enthusiastic :P­ ­

June 19 me
ebook?

June 19 X
hard copy would be so better, but for now , e book would do :P­ ­
ni rehne de­ ­
i'll get the hard copy­ ­
:)­ ­

June 19 me
cool. i was going to ask u to watch the sopranos too
but lets leave that for later

June 19 X
god !
i have such a huge list of go-watch-NOW and go-read-NOW just to be able to show my face to some ppl :P­ ­

June 19 me
well, u must prefer chatting then:P

June 19 X
u got it RIGHT, yet again, and disappointed me :P­ ­

June 19 me
always a pleasure
chal... see ya later




Post Publishing edit: And one more declaration: X is obviously another author of the chat. I Shouldn't have had to write this down!

I refuse to fail

It remains my struggle
To keep my wishes afloat,
A fight all day,
in a lane remote,
Where I paint my dreams
and believe them true,
unknowing, unaware,
of the hills I drew.
But dream I do
and the fight continues
I want them fulfilled,
Unreal though they seem,
my wishes, my dreams,
now are me,
and imbibed in my esteem.
And I refuse to fail
Whatever the fall
Will fight till I last
Till I lose it all!

Brought up to lead
To climb to succeed
Never did I fathom
A fall so deep
Disillusioned, defeated
And wounded I lay
On the grave of my dreams
My soul decays

I cant see them broken,
But helpless I lie
As sorrow and anger
Slowly makes me cry
This anguish I can’t bear
And warily I hear
My spirit sailing away
As helpless I lay

Days I try, to start afresh
To drown the sorrow
And look ahead
And march right up
With the passion, the zeal
But the agony of failure
Won’t let the wounds heal

Now the dream is shaken
and the will is broken
But with each sunrise
Slowly the time flies
And I see the light
Atop the hills
It flushes my veins
And kills the pains
And grows the will
To start again!

Hope is the light
Which guides me ahead
And persist I to move
Till my will approves
With the light alive
My strength revives,
Might to no avail,
But still
I refuse to fail.

My metro family!

Welcome aboard the Delhi metro!

Who says strangers can't be family? All it needs for them to bond, is one drunken commuter. The moment I boarded the Blue line train at Kirti Nagar, I knew it would be a fun ride. After a few minutes, the bonding had ended. And the conversations began. And it was all because of our drunken chowkidar( it was my metro family, you see), who was sitting supporting himself on his left hand, with saliva constantly dripping and cleaning off the mud on his right. He must have fallen off on road before. But that never perturbed my younger brother. The way he was pointing and chuckling, I was afraid chowkidar would wake up. But my Chachu held him down, and he controlled his chuckles. Dadaji was eyeing him with such perseverance and effort, despite what I gauged was a definite lack of vision and a constant itch in his long white beard, he might have forgotten his station in his avid concentration. But he didn't. And when he deboarded, Bhabhi entered. I respectfully offered her my seat. So did my younger brother. She obliged him. I remained standing. And then in a slowly dwindling panache, she asked the chowkidar, "Kya bhaiya, jyada pi li kya aaj?" Then she looked at Chachu, and obviously got the message. She restrained herself from taking this talk further. But the (entertainment for me)/(torture for those not deboarding at next station) had started. Everyone joined in the laughter, the advices started, and the coherence of all the laughs and the sneering was mesmerizing. The chowkidar had his own gibberish telltale, and before it could get any boring, I got out. I think Bhabhi also changed cabins there. So only Chachu and my younger brother were left to enjoy the show.

What a pity!

It is strange how the world behaves. In my commute from Peeragarhi to HauzKhas, I change metro twice. And in the three trains, only once did such a cabin exist, bounded by the mutual hatred and disgust of the drunkard, and collective sympathy for the ones suffering from his malodorous aura. A common enemy units us all. Nothing else matters then. No Khan(Dadaji), no Pundit( Chachaji), no north, no south(Bhabhi). In an empty space inside our head, we need somenone to hate. Lets keep that space filled. But fill that space judiciously.

The man who started it all!

BOL is one movie, which can force you to leave judgement aside, and let yourself drive in emotions. I do want to write about the movie, but not just now. Right now, I am still too perturbed and susceptible to overstate. I would write about it, but in a sober state. Let me bathe in its beauty till then.

Taxi Driver, 1976

All this shit about corruption that is going on, isn't it all a part of us? Isn't it true that we actually do live in hell, speaking nothing of the wrong but pretending to be in tune with the right? How many of us have asked the young waiter at the dhabas en route to the mountains, if he goes to school? And tried to help him enroll? Even forget the enrolling part, it is too big, how many of us asked his employer of his age and schooling?

We really are dirty and rotten inside. If you think different, look at your eyeballs in the mirror. I saw a man snatching at a lady's necklace once. I just hid away from sight. I was 15 then.

I am still hiding.

The thought did occur to me, of buying a gun and going on a rampage, killing all those heartless creatures out who would succumb to anything and continue living in their hole. It was not a gun actually, it was a sword. But what's the difference, it was illogical. It vanished as it came. The best I thought I could do was ask for the poor waiter's schooling, and maybe convince the employer.

I still don't have the strength to do that. I am still gathering the courage.

This is a confession. Something I want to remember long ahead. I have shirked away from being a good person. A moral person. And I still don't know how to change that. I feel disgust and revulsion at myself. Yet I know I would continue to live like this. With no questions asked. Just like everyone else, and pretend its all in tune with the right.