I shall never truly be gone unless none here are loyal to me

Ah...Harry Potter! I remember eagerly awating your last book. I remember crying before when Dumbledore died. I remember reading the books over and over again till lines got rooted deep inside my memories. But how can I let you go!

Just finished the complete set again. It really is a pain, when you've got loads of free time, and all Harry Potter books staring innocently in their pdf forms. You have to give in. That, is a full day wasted spent. I've got another brilliant book, "Love in the Time of Cholera" lined up, but when you're reading Harry Potter, you are reading Harry Potter.

Right now, am reading the last book again, having completed five of them in the last 12 hours. One third complete, two thirds left. Harry is about to break into the ministry and steal the Slytherin Locket(Oh the bliss when I talk about it). And I have to give my eyes a little rest. My parents think I am studying. Part of it is true actually, I was studying, before I started reading it once again. And after it is done, I shall get back to studying.

Just hope my parents never read my blog. And there is a thin chance they will. No one really does read it, isn't it? Do you?

Harry Potter, I shall return. In a minute

Philadelphia

> This post is in no way meant to be discriminatory
>I respect the thoughts and preferences of every soul alive.

It is hard to find good movies being aired on TV, though I really enjoyed watching Philadelphia (which is something, since the last good movie I saw on TV was Big Fish, and that was a full year ago). All those witty repartee, those inconsolate jokes about sexuality, the more sensitive moments(for instance the one where Tom Hanks is overwhelmed by the Opera), those really were something. That being said, I really can never think of understanding the gay philosophy. Ever.

It beats me how one can choose not to be with a woman! I can make my peace with the fact that someone may like both men and women, or women liking women, (that actually is for some lady to talk about), but not liking women at all? How can you not be inundated by the soft subtle touch, the rousing scent(seriously what is that? Is it the hair?), the round eyes, the voice......oh I can go on. I know it is not a conscious choice, and had it been one, there wouldn't have been any gays around (the level of discrimination they face, it would be really hard to try and not conceal it.). But how can one not pursue those qualities a woman possesses? These small things make up for the sexual attractiveness. How many of these does a man have? None. We have dirty hair, which given a choice we wouldn't wash for weeks, worst table manners, and "the emotional range of a teaspoon". Face it, we are just dirty ragheads who would have fought and fought had their been no girl in school. The presence of a girl puts us up for best behaviour. You don't go off mouthing abuses in front of a girl, do you? These are simple rules of courting, which I don't think anyone ever taught us. They were inherent, bred just as the manners towards the elders.

And it is not only me. A few months back, I started attending video lectures on the "Introduction to Psychology" course that was being taught in Yale by Professor Paul Bloom( wait, lemme check if I got the name right........yup, that is him). In his lecture on Sex, he said: "Exclusive Homosexuality is an evolutionary mystery. The puzzle is not why some men like men, that is not the puzzle. The puzzle is why there are some men who don't like women." Even other primates may engage in homosexual activities, but preferential sex is what surprises me.

All that being said, I do understand that these are my personal opinions, and it is just one small string of thought in an assorted bowl of multitudes. And how much the homosexuals have to suffer just because of prejudices against them, often leading to seclusion and fear of the society.

I agree to disagree with anyone who has a different view. Aumann may go play with himself.

A different perspective: Gay @ IITB: Out and About

Post Publishing Edit: A good friend of mine just told me that though he still has trouble accepting, but after watching the movie, he isn't 'homo-phobic' any more. Then he asked if I have watched it too. (HEARTBREAK) No one reads my blog!

Wunderbar!

Before you read on,


1) This was one of the best chats I have enjoyed till date!


2) Keeping my vow of no names, I have renamed the person X.


3) But lets see if anyone can figure out who this person is!(apart from the one concerned of course)




me
howdie!

June 19 X
awesome !­ ­
u @ iit?­ ­

June 19 me
nope
rite now at home

June 19 X
oh­ ­

June 19 me
and blissful
so,

June 19 X
do you realize i'm jealous­ ­
:P­ ­

June 19 me
whats up?
jealous of the bliss?
dont be

June 19 X
trynna read atlas shrugged ;D­ ­

June 19 X
well, happy bliss-bath
catch you later, yeah!!­ ­

June 19 me
yeah well
okay
good night

June 19 X
i mean, you went offline ... how can u still be replying ... zombieeeeeee!­ ­
:P­ ­

June 19 me
oye

June 19 me
u were the one who went offline
i sent u about 10 pings


June 19 X
YOU DIDNT!
bad connection , huh­ ­

June 19 me
maybe. it doesnt show in my msg box
sob sob
damn!
so still in iit?

June 19 X
yes :-/­ ­

June 19 me
noice
watching movies i guess

June 19 X
but it's awesome mausam today .. so not so
:D­ ­

June 19 X
not really­ ­
i think atlas shrugged is a book, whatsay? :P­ ­

June 19 me
oh yes. atlas shrugged.
forgot. u know, short term memory loss
who are u again?:P

June 19 X
oh, marilyn monroe, ever heard? :P­ ­

June 19 me
oh yes yes!!! the skirt girl?

i think i might know where kennedy is

June 19 X
lol ... fwd fwd in time .. i still hate that bastard :P­ ­

June 19 me
really? did u kill him:


June 19 X
did i?­ ­

June 19 X
did i tell you, i have short term memory loss, too
who am i again? :P­ ­

June 19 me
did u?
wait. thats my line!!

June 19 X
how dare you remember?
you said you had memory loss, you liar ! ­ ­

June 19 me
i said short term
we are treading into past right now
(and i have marker to write on my body too>:P

June 19 X
lol­ ­
so, i stole your line alright, just don't sue me, ni to i'll join the anshan league B-)­ ­

June 19 me
(anshan with only pizza allowed)?

June 19 X
awww... that's unfair !!
how'd you know ... now, tell me, pizza a day wouldn't dilute the impact, right?­ ­

June 19 me
nope. it would keep u concentrated:P

June 19 X
but you wouldn't sue me, you promised .. check that left arm of yours ...oh .. can't read ur own handwriting, need help?­ ­

June 19 me
nah... i got a stencil:P
okay now tell me one thing?
read the godfather?

June 19 X
na :-/­ ­
you did?­ ­

June 19 me
*REALLY*????!!!
*REALLY????!!!*

June 19 X
don't now embarrass me ­ ­
i know­ ­
:(­ ­
i mean, make me feel embarrassed :P­ ­

June 19 me
u do like strategic killing of people, right?

June 19 X
but how'd you know ..!!!!
you're not from ISI, are you? :P­ ­

June 19 me
nope mafia
before u do anything else, read the godfather!!!
(it might bring my mafia in good light)

June 19 X
sure ! send me a copy, mr. enthusiastic :P­ ­

June 19 me
ebook?

June 19 X
hard copy would be so better, but for now , e book would do :P­ ­
ni rehne de­ ­
i'll get the hard copy­ ­
:)­ ­

June 19 me
cool. i was going to ask u to watch the sopranos too
but lets leave that for later

June 19 X
god !
i have such a huge list of go-watch-NOW and go-read-NOW just to be able to show my face to some ppl :P­ ­

June 19 me
well, u must prefer chatting then:P

June 19 X
u got it RIGHT, yet again, and disappointed me :P­ ­

June 19 me
always a pleasure
chal... see ya later




Post Publishing edit: And one more declaration: X is obviously another author of the chat. I Shouldn't have had to write this down!

I refuse to fail

It remains my struggle
To keep my wishes afloat,
A fight all day,
in a lane remote,
Where I paint my dreams
and believe them true,
unknowing, unaware,
of the hills I drew.
But dream I do
and the fight continues
I want them fulfilled,
Unreal though they seem,
my wishes, my dreams,
now are me,
and imbibed in my esteem.
And I refuse to fail
Whatever the fall
Will fight till I last
Till I lose it all!

Brought up to lead
To climb to succeed
Never did I fathom
A fall so deep
Disillusioned, defeated
And wounded I lay
On the grave of my dreams
My soul decays

I cant see them broken,
But helpless I lie
As sorrow and anger
Slowly makes me cry
This anguish I can’t bear
And warily I hear
My spirit sailing away
As helpless I lay

Days I try, to start afresh
To drown the sorrow
And look ahead
And march right up
With the passion, the zeal
But the agony of failure
Won’t let the wounds heal

Now the dream is shaken
and the will is broken
But with each sunrise
Slowly the time flies
And I see the light
Atop the hills
It flushes my veins
And kills the pains
And grows the will
To start again!

Hope is the light
Which guides me ahead
And persist I to move
Till my will approves
With the light alive
My strength revives,
Might to no avail,
But still
I refuse to fail.

My metro family!

Welcome aboard the Delhi metro!

Who says strangers can't be family? All it needs for them to bond, is one drunken commuter. The moment I boarded the Blue line train at Kirti Nagar, I knew it would be a fun ride. After a few minutes, the bonding had ended. And the conversations began. And it was all because of our drunken chowkidar( it was my metro family, you see), who was sitting supporting himself on his left hand, with saliva constantly dripping and cleaning off the mud on his right. He must have fallen off on road before. But that never perturbed my younger brother. The way he was pointing and chuckling, I was afraid chowkidar would wake up. But my Chachu held him down, and he controlled his chuckles. Dadaji was eyeing him with such perseverance and effort, despite what I gauged was a definite lack of vision and a constant itch in his long white beard, he might have forgotten his station in his avid concentration. But he didn't. And when he deboarded, Bhabhi entered. I respectfully offered her my seat. So did my younger brother. She obliged him. I remained standing. And then in a slowly dwindling panache, she asked the chowkidar, "Kya bhaiya, jyada pi li kya aaj?" Then she looked at Chachu, and obviously got the message. She restrained herself from taking this talk further. But the (entertainment for me)/(torture for those not deboarding at next station) had started. Everyone joined in the laughter, the advices started, and the coherence of all the laughs and the sneering was mesmerizing. The chowkidar had his own gibberish telltale, and before it could get any boring, I got out. I think Bhabhi also changed cabins there. So only Chachu and my younger brother were left to enjoy the show.

What a pity!

It is strange how the world behaves. In my commute from Peeragarhi to HauzKhas, I change metro twice. And in the three trains, only once did such a cabin exist, bounded by the mutual hatred and disgust of the drunkard, and collective sympathy for the ones suffering from his malodorous aura. A common enemy units us all. Nothing else matters then. No Khan(Dadaji), no Pundit( Chachaji), no north, no south(Bhabhi). In an empty space inside our head, we need somenone to hate. Lets keep that space filled. But fill that space judiciously.

The man who started it all!

BOL is one movie, which can force you to leave judgement aside, and let yourself drive in emotions. I do want to write about the movie, but not just now. Right now, I am still too perturbed and susceptible to overstate. I would write about it, but in a sober state. Let me bathe in its beauty till then.

Taxi Driver, 1976

All this shit about corruption that is going on, isn't it all a part of us? Isn't it true that we actually do live in hell, speaking nothing of the wrong but pretending to be in tune with the right? How many of us have asked the young waiter at the dhabas en route to the mountains, if he goes to school? And tried to help him enroll? Even forget the enrolling part, it is too big, how many of us asked his employer of his age and schooling?

We really are dirty and rotten inside. If you think different, look at your eyeballs in the mirror. I saw a man snatching at a lady's necklace once. I just hid away from sight. I was 15 then.

I am still hiding.

The thought did occur to me, of buying a gun and going on a rampage, killing all those heartless creatures out who would succumb to anything and continue living in their hole. It was not a gun actually, it was a sword. But what's the difference, it was illogical. It vanished as it came. The best I thought I could do was ask for the poor waiter's schooling, and maybe convince the employer.

I still don't have the strength to do that. I am still gathering the courage.

This is a confession. Something I want to remember long ahead. I have shirked away from being a good person. A moral person. And I still don't know how to change that. I feel disgust and revulsion at myself. Yet I know I would continue to live like this. With no questions asked. Just like everyone else, and pretend its all in tune with the right.

Movie Mania

Now that's two movies in two days. And good movies in fact. Contrary to my previous post, I do intend to watch more in the coming days. I do realize the timing is not apt, with the minors approaching, assignments getting piled up, but some movies have a certain essence to them. And they are sometimes worth the risk.

City of God was a good movie. Not one to be watched alone, but the entire story drew no comparison with what I have grown with. Perhaps this is precisely the reason why I couldnt find more meaning and charm in it. But for an entertainer, it sure beats many others! The way the story was structured, the daunting introduction of characters, the anticipation it all builds up, the movie was a sure shot dollar bill.

Did you realize that everyone Rocket meets in his life, inevitably ends up dying, with the exception of Angelica perhaps, whose fate I couldn't gather. Point to ponder.....

The movie I saw today was Being There. If you think you are knowledgeable, think again. Nothing is what it seems like. Getting serious? Don't. It is a prodigious satire on our common social laws. To be confined by the fear of unknown, and what could happen if someone had that fear removed from him. Such a peaceful movie.

Chauncy Gardiner, well acted.

Downloading The Graduate right now. I've seen Tootsie, and am already a fan of Dustin Hoffman. Lets see the magic he has conjured in these 700MB.

Good night!

PS: Was supposed to complete Digital Electronics today. After this movie perhaps :)

This is it. No more procrastinating things.
1) Wanted to exercise daily, but it always starts from the next day.
2) Wanted to start studying, but it always starts after the sleep.
3) Wanted to start waking up early, but I always convince myself 5 more minutes won't hurt
4) Wanted to start the lab reports. They always start after the movie.
5) Wanted to write a blog post daily. Reactivated facebook instead
6) Wanted to plan my week. Have to plan the planning first!

-> Still have to start writing my resume.
-> Still have to complete my story.
-> Still have to buy the subject books
-> Still have to start learning Spanish :(
-> Still have to wake up early.

I despise myself!

When the Gods fall,,,,.

There are some people, who demand a high regard from you. They prove it again and again, with their conduct, their passions, and their talents, and you succumb and consider them your ideals. That is how a following is born. That is how stars are born.

And when your ideal makes a mistake, it is hard to forget. It is hard to denounce them, but it is hard to forget. Karan Thapar was one of my ideals. And he too proved that he is just a human.

The event being talked about, is an interview taken by Karan of two well very well known activists today, Arvind Kejriwal, and Prashant Bhushan.



If you have seen the interview, you would know what my plight is.

It is the first time that I have seen Karan grow so desperate, and so pathetic! I've seen him tear the shreds off Ram Jethmalani, decimating Chidambram, Montek Singh, Arun Jaitely and many more personalities tirelessly and effortlessly. He made me believe in his demigod abilities of journalism. But his unguided attempt at ruthlessness with Arvind and Prashant Bhushan, finally carried him away with itself. He got so excited middle of the discourse; it was unclear as to what his intention and perspective were. Never before has he taken a stand against his interviewee, leave alone pestering him with the same questions again and again. He did both. I saw his interview with Kapil Sibal, when the Lokpal meetings had failed, and Anna had threatened to protest starting 16th August. He was meticulous, methodical, apprehensive of the replies, creative and quick to quote. He even made Kapil accept that Govt might take action if Anna goes on fast again. That, was an interview.

This, was an argument. He took to debate with them on essential topics. He tried to explain it to them, instead of taking their opinions and trapping them in it. Such a coercing is unimaginable for a man of his repute. It was not an attempt at outlook; it was a justification of his own stance. The way he was interrupting Arvind in every sentence, it seemed he wanted Arvind to parallel his own stream of thoughts, or else be quiet lest he said something else. Quoting Kejriwal from the interview: "Please allow me to speak Karan, please allow me to speak. In your last interview someone counted the words. You spoke 2400 words and I spoke 1600 words(sic)", to which Karan, with not a hint of cunning, replied:"Don't waste time". This was Karan on a backfoot.

Arvind was asking Karan questions, eyeing his eagerness to speak multitudes, and reluctance to hear. The first time I saw the interviewee become the interviewer, and trying to catch the latter in his line of thought. More than once, Arvind and Prashant were saying yes, and Karan was saying no, and the talk stagnated at that point. Again and again he was raising the question of Blackmail. This wasn't shrewdness, it was desperation. We all now know where his loyalties lie. He failed this time. He let person get in the way of impassiveness. He wasn't just.

This wasn't the Karan I know.

I do not support Anna in many of his demands. But I can't think of myself as being more than an individual with an opinion. Perhaps Karan thinks otherwise. The way this interview was conducted, I am sure 6 months from now, I won't remember much of it. But I would remember that once, Karan too failed in his job.

PS: Just read in a newspaper about Baba Nigmanand's death inquiry report. It was pushed to page 7, in an insignificant corner. It took his death to bring his issue to spotlight. And that too died away. Perhaps that is what a common man is worth. If you aren't famous, you can't be heard.

Today never came! Yesterday just continued....

I rock! Yeah, that has been the anthem for the past 2 days. Don't know why, but the last two days don't seem to have been disconnected at all! Yesterday was superb, and today, though all I did today was just travel, has the same proclivity. Yesterday's sleep was perhaps just another booting, before the newly installed updates started running :)

The start of this 48 hour long roller-coaster was awesome. You know when you decide on something ideal, and then you decide it is too stringent for you to follow? Like perhaps going on exercising everyday, and waking up at 5 for it? (I've been trying that for one whole month now). I took my white-board, which I had bought during my jee days, (and used it well enough), to my hostel thinking it would help me organize. That was at the start of the semester. The cure soon became the menace.I couldn't find the carpenter to drill the holes in the walls, and when the carpenter decided to come, I had classes full day. So my old board took up some more ground space in my already crowded room.

What happened yesterday was, I got up at 8 (which is a feat!), bathed, took breakfast, and called the guy who is fixing doors in our hostel washrooms to come and drill the hole for me. He actually came! Instantly! And lo, the board was up! I haven't been able to use the board till now (I am home now) but the sight of it was enough to elevate my spirits. I attended all the classes, was the first to complete my Digital electronics practical!

The only horrendous thing that could've nullified it all, was when I had to confront a Lab attendant of another lab. It might have been serious, but soon I met the prof of the course, and he said it might be because of some bad mood, he will talk to him. Ah! My steps back to the hostel were dancing in the interlude. And then, we started playing Counter-Strike!!

The boon! The gift to a bored hosteler! What did you think IIT? You would stop LAN and we won't play LAN games? HA! Preposterous! (I always wanted to say that) We set up a WLAN, connected us in, and played! And the way I scored!

I had only started CS two or three days back. I had played a little in my 12th class, but not much. But oh! The bliss! I outperformed 2 of my friends, and sometimes even single handedly killed all the terrorists!(I was CT). The time of my life!

After all others had slept, it was just me and T playing. We played with some bots first, but losing again and again, T (who is a loudmouth) asked me to come one-on-one. Two of my neighbours were already there, two more came. And the humiliation was complete my friend. The final tally read 22-11!! I could have tormented him further, and could have easily won 50 more sets, but the owner of the laptop became frustrated with the monotony of my wins( :D) and took the laptop back from T. I finally slept at 3:30, after gorging half a litre of juice.

The first thing I did today after waking up, was call my ma and tell her I would be home soon. But how would a boy react to a candy bar, even if he misses the school bus? S and K started playing, and I inadvertently joined them. The CT's were dying (I was terrorist this time), and 9  o'clock became 10, then 11 and finally became 1!! I quickly closed the connections, packed my things up, and left. No time to waste now. My lunch, a pear and an apple!

Why didn't the journey dampen my spirits? I have to change buses twice to get to home.
In the first bus, a beautiful girl was standing next to me half of the journey. The bus was overtly crowded, and she started sharing her plight, and we began to talk! (I still can't believe my luck). When she got off, she gave me a sweet smile, my heart skipped a beat! The rest of the journey was chirpy :). And if this felt good, the next bus shifted me to heaven!

The next bus was a DTC from Nazafgarh to Bahadurgarh. No one was standing, which was a good sign that I could get a seat. I entered with a horde of other people, and did get a seat. A moment later, in the seat next to mine, another beautiful girl came and sat. (It has been 8 hours since then, and writing this my heart is doing horse runs!). I couldn't talk to this one, she slept halfway across the journey, but she tilted her head right and it rested on my shoulder! A person who was standing next to our seat grinned. I tried to be civil, tried to move myself away (I had the window seat), but anyone who has travelled in a DTC can tell, you can't move an inch! So after some pretension, I decided to enjoy the ride. (The rest of the journey was chirpy too :) ). Another thing which could have gone right was if she would have woken up a few moments before the stop. It  would have been an awkward situation, and we could have chatted. (I even thought I would take the number of this one). But dreams. They never come true. The conductor called out Bahadurgarh, and she woke up with a start and rushed off. I heard the glasses of my dream shattering.

 But I didn't try to pick up the pieces...

We both took the same bus to Rohtak!

So my dear friend, she is an MBBS student from delhi, studying in Rohtak (PGIMS, or should I say, Health University). Her name is Preeti, and she didn't give me her number :(. I didn't ask for a number, I asked for her facebook profile. But she thought I wanted to hack it (she didn't say so, but her tiny questioning made me believe), and denied.

God, I am such a dork! Why didn't I think of it!

Anyways, I am home now, have just relived my journey again, and I can happily go to sleep now, with dreams of me killing terrorists, or probably, girls flying in the DTC :)

Good night.

On X and M

"There is somethig else too. It will be a part of your curriculum, I don't want any absentees on it! I will be taking attendance if I have to!......"

Okay sir. We will do anything for attendance. What is it?

"......How many of you have visited the Museum of Modern Art?"

WHAT?!!!

This was a huge surprise. We! Engineers! I suddenly remembered what another of our lovely professor once said.

"You are to be an engineer. A mazdoor! You must talk in technical terms. Even your jokes should be technical."

He said it all in present continuous tense. I have merely changed the verbs to their appropriate case.

Why did I think of him? I have no idea. (For reference sake, I will refer to the so far good professor as X (for mysterious) and the second one as M ( because he reminds me of a certain maggu!)). But I couldn't stop my grin. Had M been there! Just visiting maybe, or waiting outside for the class to finish, I don't know, just if he had heard X! Modrern Art! HA! It would have been a sight!

It wasn't just this once that X did something unexpected. I will continue on just X from here, M is one of those boring monotonous characters who simply take pride in their professional lexicon, not realizing that the other person is not interested.

So as I was saying, it wasn't just the first time that he broke the standard routine of most of our classes. I was hopping he would do such a thing, (his fame reached us before him), just I didn't know how he would do it.

For starters, lets take the first class itself. He didn't start off directly, he took our introductions first. Not just names, but hobbies, interests, future dreams! You say whats so big in that? Nothing. Just that no professor ever tried to get to know his students, barring just a few. And they too remembered only the maggus. Then we got daily invitations for one or another Classical program (given that he is the coordinator, but still!) And the best was his teaching method. It took a couple of classes to realise, but I do appreciate what he is doing! To understand a subject, merely writing the formulae ain't enough. He dives deep! Deep enough so we can see the ground below the wide see! Ofcourse, it takes the assumption that we know the basics, but the beauty he makes us realise! Kya baat hai! I only know a couple of professors who might stand upto him. One of the good courses this semester :):)

Enough about the professor. Its time for the PS
Maybe we can talk about
There's another thing


Okay, ending a random post is difficult! But IIT won't allow me to be online beyond 1 o'clock, and its already 12:57, so I better end it whatsoever. Tomorrow's Friday, actually today's Friday, so the laundry weekend is here. (just means I have to go home with the dirty clothes). It might be an extended weekend even. Jai Janmashtmi! Lets check the calender.

Ciao!

Avril Lavigne - Chop Suey chopped!

For the avril fans...

WAKE UP!!!



Notice the number of dislikes on the actual youtube page!!

Turn a new leaf! Get a life!!!!

It's been three days now that I quit facebook, and I know how these days have passed. Not that I actually quit facebook, their sly policy of keeping safe everyone's network so they can return back keeps everyone on their feet. No. What I am talking about is a simple test of restrain. A restrain from telling your secrets to the world. Out loud. No bounds. And even if I think I "quit" I haven't been able to stop myself from posting my statuses. If not facebook, then twitter! I've tweeted lots in the last three days. Talk about restrain! :).

Leaving fb actually did good for me. And when I say "only I know how I passed these three days", I mean "how WELL I passed these three days." I've been catching up on my blog subscription, listening to a lot of better songs, and have watched three movies with such good critical reviews, they actually seemed intimidating before I actually got to watch them ( I had them in my laptop for over three months now). One was To kill a mocking bird, which it is a world known fact that its a marvelous movie. Other was One flew over the cuckoo's nest. Now it does seem to be a good movie per se, but as an adaptation of a book, I don't think it does justice to the book. (from what i've gathered, the book has a lot more than what the movie showed, for instance, Chief was a schizophrenic. That means a lot different from what the movie made me believe.) Of course, I am not one to judge, not untill I've read the book perhaps. And It might be a long time till then! Next on my list is Atlas Shrugged!! ( The name gives me chills!!)

Did I mention how much time I've gained off facebook? I think I did. And Oh, I also mentioned about the blogs. There is one specific that I really like. Its by an Army wife. Not the patriotic kind of blog, just a really fun filled, Murphy's law adhering piece on daily life! Its called 3 bedroom bungalow, and the link is: http://3bedroombungalow.blogspot.com/. Her recent posts have been really gripping. Going to Germany with no planning, then calling someone up from UK to pick you up and driving the way back there! Don't try it yourself, this stuff is just for reading :). And then there is the Delhiwala, which has such a good collection of pictures, you can gorge upon it as greedily as you like, it is entertaining as hell! The link is http://www.thedelhiwalla.com/, If you cannot get it from my subscriptions.

That is not all. I even completed a few assignments on time, got time to read on a few more lectures, and catch on with my academics. Its just that the stuff is really boring to write about, and you really don't wish to tell such things to people. It sounds weird!

To tell the truth, I even considered to do something on the like of the Julie-Julia project. Not with the cooking ofcourse, bit maybe with the songs, or with drumming, I don't know. I just spent too much time thinking about it, and then decided it was just me going overboard, so I left it. But it would have been nice to do something like that. Really nice.

So all in all, this whole things turned out pretty well for me. Next up on my to-do list is to complete a story I started long ago. Lets see how that works out!

Hallelujah!

Some songs really go through you, touching your heart, and then you feel the touch and the peace of them! I became a fan of Jeff Buckely after I heard Hallelujah, but recently when I heard the other versions of the song, I became his devotee! So much so that after I deleted my facebook account just to stop myself from using it (yeah, that is my declaration, I am trying to prevent myself from this addiction.), and twitter won't allow me to write what I feel in so many words, I drew a first in writing directly to my blog (earlier I used to write first in an editor, try to edit it, and then publish.)

Back to the song, I can't draw the same emotion that the song drew in me through mere words.
Just listen to this song, and you will know. If you are in IIT, better let the song stream first (you don't want the reduced bandwidth to ruin it for you)



Don't thank me yet. After you have heard this song (or by this time you might have even downloaded it) try out these other versions, by Leonard Cohen, the original lyricist of this soothing beauty.


And then there is another version which I Rufus Wainwright sang, and it came as the cover for Shrek soundtrack


Mirror mirror on the wall, which is the best of them all? Don't you love that Jeff Buckley actually sang this song? Or that he was born and decided to become a singer and got inspired from this vivacious piece of poetry? It is a wonder how he managed to create the perfect masterpiece. Cohen's version was still not deep enough, to go beneath just the mouthing of words. But oh! what they both have done together. Enjoy the bliss, this should be my cue to bid adieu. And parting off, I want to quote a comment on his video:
"dude when im on my death bed, this song better be playing"(sic)

Hats off to Leonard Cohen and Jeff Buckley. You've touched a soul! You've touched a million of 'em!

Love and Relationships

(Reference: European Journal of Social Psychology, Vol.27, 313-335(1997), Construct validation of a love scale, Robert J Sternberg)
Having experienced a dearth of topics to write on, I turned to a few psychology papers to read. And bingo! What a find. Something I have never touched before. Something I have never written on. Something which will ensure I develop my reader base, especially among the ladies.

The topic is actually a theory developed by an American Psychologist Robert Sternberg. Although the concept is still elusive to me, I decided to give it a shot. And that I completed the study, his research ensured!

Without much further ado, let me state to you the theory- The Triangular Law of Love!

Love, being complex as it is, has three essential elements in it. These elements ensure that a relationship you have will continue forward. They are: Intimacy, Passion and commitment. Sounds simple? Well, it is!

Intimacy is the closeness, that feeling of connectedness, the willingness to share secrets, bonding in a relationship. Passion is the drive towards your mate, that sexual, romantic urge!
And commitment, well it is THE BIG element! You aren’t in love unless you label it so! If you say it is love, it is, else not! This decision, and the decision to keep the status quo intact, is the third aspect of Love.

If I have been able to fool you that it is as simple as it sounds, you are mistaken my friend.
Now, the complexities shall arise.

1) What if you have just one of these feelings towards someone? That you just feel intimate, but never experienced a drive towards him/her? Or if it is just pure passion? Or an empty commitment, unsubstantiated by closeness or feelings? This is the first level of complexity!

What you are feeling, (don’t characterize it as love and start drooling!), if it is intimacy, is just Intimacy! One which you share with your best friend! Or your dog for that sake ! What you usually call liking! If it is passion, our daily terminology for it is attraction, or what some idiots call love at first sight! Sternberg called it Infatuation. And if it is just a willingness to continue the relationship, without closeness or sex, well, he may call it Empty Love, my diagnosis is you have either been married too long, or just had an arranged marriage! Or you are just plain stupid and are befooling yourself into believing that you are done, when actually you are done for!!

2) We move on to level two. Okay geniuses, how many permutations of two elements from three? Three! Well done!

What if it is Intimacy and Passion? You better commit too, because what you feel is romance towards your partner! And it is only up to you to label it now!
Feeling intimate and have committed? You have found yourself a companion!This my friend, is companionate love! Share as much as you like, apart from sex, you have everything!
Last my friend, is the love sans intimacy, Just the craze towards your other half and the drive to keep it going . It is fatuous love, or what happens in the beginning of a relationship these days. Don’t let it wear off, or you might fall into the Empty love category! Beware, for these are dangerous grounds you tread on..

3) Wondering what complexity level three is? This one is the apocalypse, Armageddon, or as Issac said in Friends s03e16-“ doesn’t matter how much we love ‘em, monogamy is too cruel a rule!” What if you feel all three towards more than one people? Is it possible?
Wait! You already do? Then either change your culture to a polygamist one, or prepare to die! Thy soul shall rot in hell, one of your partners is sure to curse you for life! Don’t blame me later, I warned you :P.

Of course, this is just a theory. I can’t say what the actual feeling is, it is supposed to be the strongest of all human emotions! And banking on the Harry potter saga, this is what separated Voldemort from Harry, the boy who could love, thus the boy who lived!

Whether you believe it, or not, is your own prerogative. All I am saying is, life definitely isn’t easy, if you are in Love ♥

Bohemian Torture

Before you dare to listen to this audio clip, I have two facts to state.

1) I always sang in my room with headphones on and doors closed. Doors closed because someone always barged in to shut me up!

2) I am a devotee of the Bohemian Rhapsody!! I started to look for a word to describe this song, and the best I can come up till now is: prodigious! There is no song better than the Bohemian Rhapsody, no song compares to the Bohemian Rhapsody, and no song can even dream of matching the Bohemian Rhapsody!!

If you have never heard of this song before, DONOT CLICK ON THIS LINK. You will never forgive me or yourself

I now know the torture my friends go through. But my intention is not to relent.

It is for the world to suffer!!!!!

HEHAHAHAHAHA HEHAHAHAHAHA

When every crossroad is an adventure...

Ever had trouble with directions? Not the kind where you don't understand where right is, and go the wrong way, but the one where you don't know that right is the wrong way! Picture this scenario, you have been living in a neighbourhood for the past thirteen years, you recently went on a trip with your parents, let’s say to Goa (I love that place!! The beaches, the sunsets, the gentle breeze that blows, the churches, everything!) And you are the first to get down from the bus when you reach your street. A normal person would start walking towards his home, and let the parents follow you! But not for me. By the time I started to figure out which way our house was, my parents had gotten down and had given me the clue (and a scorn too, for not remembering the direction, but I ignored that) to where we lived.

This is one of the few memories that I remember of my childhood. My excuse then was that it was very early in the morning, I had just woken up, and it was very dark! But the memory still stayed. It’s funny how small things remain etched to your mind, only to be revealed at odd times, when you think you have outgrown yourself (and your memories). On a fun evening today with my friends (Kung-fu panda, and roaming in CP!! And the movie was AWESOME), this memory hit me, and faded. I must tell you that this was perhaps my first visit to the Connaught Place! Strange isn't it? Living in Delhi, and not going to CP once in two years? Well, roaming wasn't my thing ever. So when I confronted the giant square, with roads leading in every direction I saw, a big central park in between, after a few rounds of the place I forgot where I came from and where I was heading. Of course the recurring Metro Station kept telling me I have been here before. But to find the metro, I might have ended up going round the park full circle, instead of just turning back and seeing it right ahead!

I have always had problems remembering directions, unless it is a straight road full of landmarks. That of course hasn't stopped me from wandering about. It did allow me to be lost more than often, and find my way back (more through trial and error, and less through wits). My father used to tell me of the time when my Grand-father hired a taxi, and went touring all temples of India. His taxi meter later read 15,000 kms. And I have inherited the blood, but with the small flaw of directionlessness. First time I came to Punjabi Bagh, me and my friends tried to explore a shortcut that would take us to the next bus stop. Needless to say, I followed route, and we found the bus stop. I didn’t feel very good about it. I suppose it was only after that that I started noting the small turns the auto takes when I travel, the routes at the forks, the curves of the ring road, and how it is better to go to ISBT from Peera Garhi through the NH10 and not the outer ring road. But all the laughing and teasing and ramblings with friends threw me off guard today. And though I admit I didn't expect this after so much hard work, anyhow, I did enjoy it!

It is actually a great feeling to be lost. Our friend Mr. Perfect will not understand this, nor will the guy who runs scared of kidnappers. But to not know where you have to go (and have some money in your pocket); your adventure has begun my friend. Take the subway, walk in the random direction, ask the complete stranger, take another wrong turn, follow a bus, till you nail the place down! And the next time you come here, you can proudly tell your friend, that you ate at that restaurant, this shop is costly, and that pastry is awesome! That is, only if next time, you do remember where the pastry shop is :)

Not so dirty Politics anymore..

I have a huge respect for the communists. Not the ones wielding guns, but the ones with pen in one hand and mic in other. In short, the Politicians. And it surprises me too, because I have hated politicians all my life. Growing up with the opposition constantly retching "weakening economy", "friends of the capitalists", "enemies of the state", "aam aadmi trahi-trahi kar chuka hai", you sincerely lose all hope of ever finding facts in a politician's speech. But ever since the UPA-1 govt was formed in Delhi, I have seen a completely different class of critics. They were precise, efficient, and took the masses with them. They wielded facts, idealist theories, and were learned. They wrote articles in newspaper editorials, listened to the others, and were eloquent speakers. They were the Left parties, who had ruled West Bengal for 34 years, who some now say ruined, and not ruled, Bengal for 34 years. But whatever the case be, they truly brought an honour code in the otherwise rotting Indian Political System.

The left parties function through their polit bureau. And what the polit bureau does is ensure that it remains a party and takes in opinions, rather than decisions. It was perhaps this scrounging for opinions that made the party accept Prakash Karat's idealism when Jyoti Basu was asked to be Prime Minister. And they definitely have a huge difference of opinion, with most of the world as of now, but they stick to it. And they glue them with facts, which is so unlike most other parties where the leadership is a single person/family with the thinking cap on! Who will argue with that? The decorum they bring to the post they hold is unprecedented in what I have seen in India! Compare them with the uneducated goons, who don't understand what parliament is, and roam about shouting slogans and hurling shoes and slaps. The ex-Chief Minister of Bengal, Mr Buddhadeb Bhattacharya, left office on the day the election results got out. And not only was the office, his official residence also got emptied on the day of the result itself. And it took a Mamta Banerje, who, as we know, doesn't hold assts worth more than 5 lacs, to overthrow this rule. And now her cavalcade moves along with the traffic, and she uses personal funds to decorate her office. If the Left's conduct doesn't promote ethics, what will? And all this happens in a country where the other politicians are minting millions. The Reddy brothers are still mining money, even if illegal, Yedurappa is still doing "immoral" but not "illegal" works, and the DMK is openly flouting election norms.I don't think I have ever heard of a communist party ever being accused of corruption! And more than often, we don't see any blame game in the party. For every loss, there is a person who ACCEPTS responsibility, for every fallout, a person accepts the moral obligation. Not just for his party, but because he has to! It is his conscience that makes him do so. I have strong respect for such people. It takes courage to accept loss. It takes courage to resign, to leave everything. And it takes a strong will to keep following the track You believe is right!! They may have a twisted notion of economics, I am not well-read enough to comment on that, but they certainly have played a huge role in bringing back my respect in politics!

Every other party in India can learn from them!

A chapter in the lives of Arun, Munna, and Shai..

I like one thing about staying in IIT during holidays. You get a lot of time to yourself. So while one of my friends made himself CAD car models, another one got busy completing NFS, and I started reading Marx. And getting bored (which was really obvious), I turned to Dhobi Ghat. The movie left me so incomplete, touching a chord and then leaving it twiddling, I felt cheated. So after a while, I started watching it again. And then once more, till I couldn’t hold Yasmin’s dead body, or all the broken hearts any longer. So I switched it off, and tried to distract myself. But Shai’s last tear kept coming to my head, and I couldn’t fool myself any more. I had to write this.

Just to spend some more time with them.

I just can’t find where to start from. From that innocent touching of fingers, when Shia showed her photographs, or Arun’s heartbreak at the third letter? Perhaps the best is which the director chose. From the three letters, so contrasting Arun’s life. Yasmin meets Arun, when he is a loner, and she is a colorful young woman. And Arun finds himself again, a completely different, considerate person. An innocent love starts to bubble in his misery, a love from beyond. He walks the space she had walked on, breathes the air she lived in. But he is not destined to be so lucky. The love story ends how it started, in the last letter. And he was left to collect the memoirs, the souvenirs, of the woman he loved, but couldn't know. I don’t think he ever let go of the locket. And I don’t think I want to know. It might decide things for Shai, and how that last tear of her finally gets to roll. Such a beautiful person, so full of hope, of courage, compassion. And she finds herself in that beautiful bond, that sacred worship, with the person she loves, on the very first night.. I am so glad she got the address in the end. Even if it meant the end of the world for Munna. He did love her dearly, and it was pure. But all that was left with him was he memories, and the hope, that she would be happy where he sent her. And the job, which I hope he got. And for Arun too, I hope it turns out a new leaf in his book, for him and for Shai. And for Munna.

For them, I hope it does finish well…..

My experiments with bird watching

Reading the title one can very easily understand that I am no fan of Gandhi. So I don’t have any revocations about using Gandhi’s only book and modifying the title to such a level. Also, for a few innocent species let me clarify that birds don’t refer to the class aves either. Meaning of ‘birds’ can only be understood by someone who has spent two years of his precious teenage reading Heisenburg’s Principle and Schrodinger’s equation. If someone still doesn’t understand it refers to the clan of girls.

Being in IIT is a great feeling (at least for the first month or so). But coming to a metro is another things that really gets the guys from far off excited enough. On my first day when I was going for registration towards IIT Delhi, located in a strangely called area “Hauz Khaz”, I saw the first memorable “bird-sight” in almost two years. It wasn’t like girls were absent in my city or they weren’t visible, I just never gave a damn about them (May be they didn’t try enough so that I get induced to at least give a damn).

But what studies can make you miss, you don’t realize until you miss the studies. (Isn’t this the same all of them say about love??? I guess it’s common with any intense feeling). Later in the next few days, I came across a lot of members from the clan, a few of them were recognized easily while a few forced me to take another look. I was happy to glare at them, turn back if they pass me by in the opposite direction or just sit somewhere still wearing my black sunglasses (they don’t really let anyone know where you are staring).

It was going on and on until a couple of days when I was on an auto rickshaw, and a girl with the mazimal amount of minimality passed by. I did not notice as I was listening to the Evanescence Song –“My Immortal” (It happens so very often that this song has become one of my all time favorites). Anyways…. Where was I??? yeah… then I saw the auto wale ‘bhaiya’ take his neck out of the auto and stared that ‘girl’ . Even I glanced at the bhaiya’s glance but then started looking straight. He tried to match the speed of the Black Honda Civic she was sitting in but his delight was limited to the blinking seconds on the red light.

Bhaiya stayed silent for a moment and he somewhere knew what I might be thinking. Then he asked – “ Naye ho kya delhi me? ” . I was surprised and said – “haan, abhi college join kiya hai…” Then he told me that “ Aji, tank me gas dekhne ke bahane mud ke neeche dekh lete hain…. Kisi ko ab kya pata chalta hai” and he added-“Delhi me reh ke in nazaaron ka mazza nahin liya to kya kiya?” which translates to –“ You have done nothing if you have missed the pleasure of these sights” . In a way I thought the same about Delhi but I was not interested in sights alone. I wanted someone close may be, but the words of that bhaiya made me go into deep introspection. I was in a dilemma. Have I become a pervert? Or am I the wanna be cassanova? Who am I? Is this what the decent guys are supposed to do? The thought remained with me the whole night. That day I proudly proclaimed that this is the very obvious thing to do for a tortured-self-deprived-introvert to do (I am referring to what I became during those two years), and forgave myself. Then I started making resolutions..

Making resolutions is never difficult but keeping them is (If I go on and draw the probability curve for the resolutions on the x axis and the success as a binary number on y axis, I see the graph is a constant y= 0 with negligible dots at y=1) but anyways, we always are taught to start afresh and forget what we did. Next day was a real test- A group of girls with a light reflection from the purple and the blue sides of spectrum and definitely a bright reflection of the ‘skin’ color (Dont worry, I didnt break my resolution, my friend told me all this) were at some 20 meters or so and were moving closer and closer. I was like walking with my head down and as the distance became smaller and smaller, I could not resist it so I had to close my eyes and stay there till I heard some feminine voices walk by and laugh and ultimately the sounds faded away. (This was the most practical application of Doppler’s Effect I ever encountered in my life).

I realized after two weeks that I have overcome my tendencies and need not look down or close my eyes to ignore those ‘nazaares’. I was happy because now I realized staring at something doesn’t make you get it , it just makes you repent that you just stared. I am not yet brave enough to go beyond gazing with my eyes wide open and talking to those angels walking on earth who would be perfect for anyone to be with all night long (For the people I can now safely call perverts, I am talking here about dreams) .

I feel better now cause I am a person with high morals and that is what counts. But I have realized that high morales don’t really help one achieve a high reputation. So all my friends started passing a common comment – “koi na Rohan …samajh gaye hum…. Ab to sab legal hai … chill mar!!!” But it turned out to be a week's euphoria among them and they turned normal in a week..

I did with birds what Gandhi did with truth …. Whether anyone likes it or not …

A Travesty

Fifteen years have passed, but I still get that feeling. That feeling of anxiety, of nervousness. That shifting of legs, that speechlessness. I try to overcome, to just say as I wanted to say, to express myself the best, but I still fail today.

Fifteen years have passed, since I first held you. I still cannot forget the sweaty hands, that slippery touch. I still remember that rustle , that beating of hearts, that blank mind. Every time I hold you, oh, how you arouse my spirits. I try to be perfect; I plan days ahead for our
short dates. Even though you mock me, you tease me, (and you never realised how you harm my self esteem!), I still value my time with you. So much that every second the close comes nearer, I whine. I cry. The feeling of lose, that of shame, of self-disgust. I don’t know when it will leave me. I wish to conquer your arrogance, crush your ego. I wish to trample upon your self-esteem, so I could at last get hold of you. But I never could. Not in the countless times I met you. Never in your face, never behind your back. I know I tried, but you still evade me.

Fifteen Years have passed, since I first joined school. Fifteen years have passed since I first gave exams. But they still mock me. In my face.

Fifteen years have passed. So have countless exams. But I still hate them...