BOL is one movie, which can force you to leave judgement aside, and let yourself drive in emotions. I do want to write about the movie, but not just now. Right now, I am still too perturbed and susceptible to overstate. I would write about it, but in a sober state. Let me bathe in its beauty till then.

Taxi Driver, 1976

All this shit about corruption that is going on, isn't it all a part of us? Isn't it true that we actually do live in hell, speaking nothing of the wrong but pretending to be in tune with the right? How many of us have asked the young waiter at the dhabas en route to the mountains, if he goes to school? And tried to help him enroll? Even forget the enrolling part, it is too big, how many of us asked his employer of his age and schooling?

We really are dirty and rotten inside. If you think different, look at your eyeballs in the mirror. I saw a man snatching at a lady's necklace once. I just hid away from sight. I was 15 then.

I am still hiding.

The thought did occur to me, of buying a gun and going on a rampage, killing all those heartless creatures out who would succumb to anything and continue living in their hole. It was not a gun actually, it was a sword. But what's the difference, it was illogical. It vanished as it came. The best I thought I could do was ask for the poor waiter's schooling, and maybe convince the employer.

I still don't have the strength to do that. I am still gathering the courage.

This is a confession. Something I want to remember long ahead. I have shirked away from being a good person. A moral person. And I still don't know how to change that. I feel disgust and revulsion at myself. Yet I know I would continue to live like this. With no questions asked. Just like everyone else, and pretend its all in tune with the right.