(Reference: European Journal of Social Psychology, Vol.27, 313-335(1997), Construct validation of a love scale, Robert J Sternberg)
Having experienced a dearth of topics to write on, I turned to a few psychology papers to read. And bingo! What a find. Something I have never touched before. Something I have never written on. Something which will ensure I develop my reader base, especially among the ladies.
The topic is actually a theory developed by an American Psychologist Robert Sternberg. Although the concept is still elusive to me, I decided to give it a shot. And that I completed the study, his research ensured!
Without much further ado, let me state to you the theory- The Triangular Law of Love!
Love, being complex as it is, has three essential elements in it. These elements ensure that a relationship you have will continue forward. They are: Intimacy, Passion and commitment. Sounds simple? Well, it is!
Intimacy is the closeness, that feeling of connectedness, the willingness to share secrets, bonding in a relationship. Passion is the drive towards your mate, that sexual, romantic urge!
And commitment, well it is THE BIG element! You aren’t in love unless you label it so! If you say it is love, it is, else not! This decision, and the decision to keep the status quo intact, is the third aspect of Love.
If I have been able to fool you that it is as simple as it sounds, you are mistaken my friend.
Now, the complexities shall arise.
1) What if you have just one of these feelings towards someone? That you just feel intimate, but never experienced a drive towards him/her? Or if it is just pure passion? Or an empty commitment, unsubstantiated by closeness or feelings? This is the first level of complexity!
What you are feeling, (don’t characterize it as love and start drooling!), if it is intimacy, is just Intimacy! One which you share with your best friend! Or your dog for that sake ! What you usually call liking! If it is passion, our daily terminology for it is attraction, or what some idiots call love at first sight! Sternberg called it Infatuation. And if it is just a willingness to continue the relationship, without closeness or sex, well, he may call it Empty Love, my diagnosis is you have either been married too long, or just had an arranged marriage! Or you are just plain stupid and are befooling yourself into believing that you are done, when actually you are done for!!
2) We move on to level two. Okay geniuses, how many permutations of two elements from three? Three! Well done!
What if it is Intimacy and Passion? You better commit too, because what you feel is romance towards your partner! And it is only up to you to label it now!
Feeling intimate and have committed? You have found yourself a companion!This my friend, is companionate love! Share as much as you like, apart from sex, you have everything!
Last my friend, is the love sans intimacy, Just the craze towards your other half and the drive to keep it going . It is fatuous love, or what happens in the beginning of a relationship these days. Don’t let it wear off, or you might fall into the Empty love category! Beware, for these are dangerous grounds you tread on..
3) Wondering what complexity level three is? This one is the apocalypse, Armageddon, or as Issac said in Friends s03e16-“ doesn’t matter how much we love ‘em, monogamy is too cruel a rule!” What if you feel all three towards more than one people? Is it possible?
Wait! You already do? Then either change your culture to a polygamist one, or prepare to die! Thy soul shall rot in hell, one of your partners is sure to curse you for life! Don’t blame me later, I warned you :P.
Of course, this is just a theory. I can’t say what the actual feeling is, it is supposed to be the strongest of all human emotions! And banking on the Harry potter saga, this is what separated Voldemort from Harry, the boy who could love, thus the boy who lived!
Whether you believe it, or not, is your own prerogative. All I am saying is, life definitely isn’t easy, if you are in Love ♥
