SOLITUDE

(my first lame attempt at poetry)

I chose my shadow as my partner

My lone comrade , my friendly harbor

Who walked by me, in pain and sorrow

Knows my previous, today and morrow

Stood by me, against the world

Even with me wrong,

It believed my word

Consoled me in my despair

“you aint alone, oh you hear?”

It laughed with me

But not coyly

And took my pain

Unlike people humane

Who could feign if they like

and behind your back strike

that aint friend, that’s a foe

and the world’s like that

for all I know.

The belief fortifies

And grows the despise

Towards humans

And grows the affection

Towards my solitude

Then came the night

All got of sight

I searched for my harbor

My shadow, my partner

There was none

It was also gone

I consoled my heart

That we were only the night apart

Everyone needs time alone

Only so my shadow had gone

But don’t people need time too?

Even they need space, yes they do!

And it struck me out of the blue

It wasn’t them,

It was me wanting thinking anew

As I realize this

I look around

Loneliness dies

And my first friend

Wasn’t far away

Fare thee well my solitude

i am better with my friends now I say..

BABAS REVOLT! PLAN TO SUE CHANNELS!

At least ten dozen naga babas have threatened to wear full clothes in support of the People against Unequal Status of Saints who Yell on TV (PUSSYTV). Member Babas, who host various TV pravachan shows have revolted and declined to host any more shows. The Babas are all angry over the introduction of a new late night show Insight of Baba Virmal on the Kanskar channel. “This is discrimination against us. How can this happen when we all are here," wondered Baba Mahila Dev, the brain behind the PUSSYTV association. "We are all equal!" shouted Baba Kaju-Katli, which the whole group supported loudly.

They say that all babas are equal in front of the Constitution and so their self-proclaimed godmanship should be recognised officially. Baba Virmal Dev is new on the circuit, and thats why the fact that he has got a full show in his name is troubling the association.

A baba takes a group photo of naga babas. He was heard saying, "Smile Comrade, You will be the next God"

Inner sources have however revealed that the babas were approached by the channels individually and promised to be given the contract, but they refused later. "The channel's production company has signed a contract with me that they would take me as the next God after the current one retires. But now they have made the new kid Virmal as the God. Other babas have also gone through similar fates," said a baba who hosts the popular Ayurveda show Dawaa kam daru zyaada.

However he is not ready to share more on the contract with NTMN readers . “That might create problems with the Income Tax department, though I do have followers there." Another Baba reiterated the same lines. “I am much more older and experienced than this Virmal. I started my shows on channel 20 years ago, he came just a year ago. It should purely be a merit-based system.”

Baba Kaju-Katli claims big corruption money is involved. “The channel company has been paid huge amounts by Baba Virmal. We ask for equal status for all babas in India. After all, we don’t have 2 crore Gods without a valid reason." On being asked the next step of the saints, he said they are going to file a PIL asking for recognition of their self-proclaimed godmanship by the channels. They also plan to sue the channels for defamation. Exactly how they were defamed, they refused to tell. “This is a legal matter. I can't comment on it”, said a baba.

On the other hand, the owners of the channels have denied all accusations. They said they treated all babas as equal, and only the best one won. “We invited bids for this particular post. The highest bidder won. That’s all fair.” On being asked about the contracts some babas claimed to have signed, they all disagreed on any such signings. “We never signed any contracts. The bids were invited in the intra-channel circulation papers.” On their legal stance, they said they will wait and watch.

Baba Virmal was unavailable for comments. The peon at his bungalow in Bandra, Mumbai said the saint had gone to see Ajmal Kasab in jail.

For the namesake

I was pretty excited when I sat down to write this article. But the title frustrated me to such an extent, I had to use Inky Pinky Ponkie to select it from “ what lies in a name”, “Namesake”, “for the namesake”, “for the sake of the name” etc etc. You can judge my creativity (or lack of it) by them, but that is another issue. Shakespeare was surely nuts when he said nothing lies in a name. Though he and I were born in the same Kalyug, described so elaborately by our beloved Krishna (or was it Krishn? Krishan? Kishna? Kkrish?) there seems to be a considerable difference between his Kalyug and my Kalyug, where we play games over multiple names, and that too rapidly changing. So while Bangalore becomes Bengaluru and Pondicherry becomes Puducherry, in the latest politically correct movement of stupidity, the state of Orissa will now be called Odisha (or that is what I have heard). But there is one solace. There are some public servants like our dear Raj Thackeray and Bal Thackeray [aint it funny both have three letter names? Seems like there mother was an ardent fan of Balraj Sahney and named her twins after him. “THEY ARE NOT TWINS. BAL IS RAJ’s UNCLE!” Oh, I m sorry. The explanation was just so tempting.] Where was I? oh yes, that people like Bal-Raj keep it alive in our mind that Bombay is now Mumbai, by ransacking the showrooms of Bombay Dyeing, or making a few Karan Johars apologize for using the word ‘Bombay’ in films. Who knows if someone forgets the city name? There is also a demand for our Bal-Raj in Arunachal Pradesh [known as South Tibet in China] for a similar reason. But the Chinese government has expressed its “strongest dissent over any such development”. It is getting political so I back off right now. Though there is another resolution being sought in UN that the chaiwalas in Arunachal (or south Tibet) replace Tata tea by chini chai, the arguments given are very absurd. So it’s very likely to be rejected.

While the fight between South Tibet and Arunachal Pradesh (or vice versa) continues, I hear continuous Vedic like chants of V-e-n-k-a-t-a-n-a-r-a-s-i-m-h-a-r-a-j-u-v-a-r-i-p-e-t-a in the background. Comes out that my younger brother is learning some Andhra city name. His own name is Dev, but is mostly known as chunnu, munnu, pappu, nunnu, chandu, pikku, honey, sweetu, etc by relatives of different origin. In fact, he has so many names; I never remember his real one. I like the English custom better here. A person gets the nick name as a by product of his name. So Robert is Bob, William is Bill, Elizabeth is Beth or Betty and so on. This must save some bucks in the naamkaran. But I bet our punditji won’t like this. Neither will Mayawati, if punditji comes out to be a dalit. She might just demolish my home and build a statue at its place, bearing a note, “MAYAWATI WELCOMES YOU”. So I better not comment on that. Unconfirmed reports have even suggested that behenji is changing her name to Maayawati. But I won’t comment on that too. I will instead give a closer example. One of my lady friends recently met a punditji and added another ‘a’ at the end of her name, making it terminally elongated. But a not so predicted advantage is that it sounds more melodious now.

Helping the naives, I must inform that the last line falls in the realms of flirting. For more flirting tips, my name is the one written after this line. Or is it?

-Rohan Budhiraja